Home > Uncategorized > I’m running for Pope

I’m running for Pope

Right, then…

So, in 2005, I ran for Pope after John Paul died.  I lost out to John Ratzinger because he had an in-depth knowledge of the bible, whereas my knowledge surrounded drinking heavily and the finer points of the Cheerleader Pyramid.

Now that Ratzinger is stepping down, I’m throwing my [tall, pointy] hat back into the ring.  To sweeten the deal, I am throwing in 11 more commandments (raising the total to 21) because some things need to be written down.  So, for your perusal,  please find Pope Guido XXXXVI’s (or G46 – either is acceptable) Commandments 11 through 21:

11. Thou shalt deal with the fact that there are folks in the world that are different than thou.
12. Thou shant try to manipulate, subjugate or otherwise control said individuals in #11, above.
13. Thou shalt not expect to not be offended in life.
14. Thou’s deeds shalt be in alignment with thou’s words.
15. Thou shalt mind thou own fucking business (MTOFB).
16. Thou shant be a dick.
17. Thou shalt seek to improve thouself, or at least be an improvement on thou’s prior generation.
18. Thou shalt face thy problems, not Facebook them (Credit: Unknown).
19. Thou shant cock block (or the female variation thereof).
20. Thou shant hijack threads of others. (added by special request)

21. Thou shalt keep it in thou’s pants whilst around children or others that are not interested in it.

Sincerely, Pope Guido XXXXVI

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